This week's mobile game is Park or Die from Handy games. I'm torn between play or die, check out why.

Park or Die is a speed parking game I suppose you could call it. It's odd but I'll take you through it.So you're an undercover cop, you get a car from your boss out of lockup and have to track down some criminal elements in the underworld of speed parking. As the story goes street racing became boring to these lawbreakers and so they developed a new 'sport' parking space racing. But then half the levels have nothing to do with parking at all, go figure.

One of the major problems with Park or Die, of which there are several, is the control scheme. You're using the keypad to drive and so each of the buttons, except 5, is a direction. But more often than not the buttons become counter-intuitive depending on if the car is in drive or reverse and I ended up irritatingly going in circle the opposite of the way I was pressing and expecting to go. Though I did give it the old college try and managed to pass 10 of the stages in story mode.

Ahh yes, the story, another of the problems in the game. Not so much the cheesy dialog, and it's Oh so cheesy it would put Chester into a cheese coma. "...these scene freaks can already bite some dust..." It's the poor English translation that at times nearly made it unreadable. It's so bad that I basically just began skipping it all.

Park or Die does look nice, the graphics are fairly decent as are the sounds and music. They even make scantily clad women look enticing with plaid minis and tight white button-down shirts. Maybe they'll work on a Strip or Die game next.

I don't particularly like racing games with a keypad. This one could have been far better if they had put gas and brake on the * and # keys and left the rest to the thumbstick or the keypad. Unfortunately they didn't and it turned the controls into a jumbled and at times unpredictable mess.

Overall I suggest you not even consider getting this game as it will simply just piss you off probably. Maybe my brain is going soft in my old age and the game actually rules, but I highly doubt it. When the game makes me want to launch the handset across the room I know it's not just me because I'm a fairly calm person.

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